It has been a while since I last wrote a blog. Truthfully, I have started this one in my mind many times, but I have struggled to find the words.
I have missed the deadline I had set for the third book in The Crimson Legacy. That has been difficult to accept. I know readers are waiting to discover what happens next, and I want you to know I haven't abandoned the story. I have not stopped caring about my characters or the world we have travelled through together.
My physical condition has continued to worsen. I live with significant pain every day, and I now have bilateral foot drop, affecting both of my feet. It changes the way I walk and move through the world. It has taken away much of my independence and, if I am being honest, it can be embarrassing. I know that it is a medical condition and not something I should feel ashamed of, but knowing that does not always silence the emotions that come with it.
Most of the time, the only places I go are medical appointments. Even those outings require planning, energy and a willingness to push through the pain. My world has become much smaller than it once was, and some days I feel lost inside it.
What makes this especially difficult is the uncertainty. I am trying; I attend the appointments. I answer the questions. I gather the records, follow up, advocate for myself, and do everything I can to move forward. Still, there are days when it feels as though no one is ever going to help me get better. Living with worsening pain is hard enough. Having to continually fight to be heard and understood adds another kind of exhaustion-one that is harder to explain.
I miss my former life...
I miss my job; I miss the people I worked with, and I miss the patients who were part of my everyday life. They counted on me, and I cared deeply about them. While I have been caught in appointments, paperwork, pain, and uncertainty, their lives have continued, and some sadly ended before I could say goodbye. I have missed so much, and that loss carries its own weight.
I have always been someone who pushes through difficult things. I try to keep moving, creating, helping, and finding a way forward. But lately, I have had to step back from the helm more often than I want to.
For someone accustomed to steering through storms, being forced to loosen my grip is painful.
Creatively, I have not stopped altogether. I have been quietly and slowly working on another project connected to the worlds of The Crimson Legacy. I am not ready to reveal its title or details yet; it is something I want to keep close until the right time. Working on it has let me stay connected to this world without putting the same pressure on myself that finishing the third novel currently carries. It has given my imagination somewhere gentler to go when my body and mind are overwhelmed.
Perhaps this is what creativity sometimes becomes: not a deadline or an obligation, but a place of shelter.
I am sharing this because I want to be honest with my readers. I don't want my silence or the missed deadline to make it seem like I've forgotten you or the promise of the next book. I am still here. The story is still here. The world of the Crimson Legacy is still growing. The characters are still charting their course into the unknown. Still sitting in the inn, enjoying a cup of ale with friends. I am simply navigating a battle I never expected to face, and some days that battle takes everything I have.
I cannot give a new release date yet. I don't want to make another promise my health may prevent me from keeping. What I can promise is that I have not given up. I am still writing when I can. I am still creating. I am still searching for answers, still fighting to be heard, and still trying to find my way back to the helm.
For now, I am learning that stepping back is not the same as surrendering.
Thank you to everyone who continues to read, wait, encourage me, and travel the high seas beside me. Your patience means more than I can properly express.
The Tide may have carried me off course for a while, but the journey is not over.
Fair winds, my Lovlies,
Always,
Ambrose Fider