I AM A BUNDLE OF NERVES
After the excitement of finally obtaining my ISBNs from Library and Archives Canada, I’m now staring down the next big step: hitting that unpublish button to make the necessary changes.
This morning, I’ve sat here for what feels like hours—double-checking everything to make sure I won’t lose my content, that there won’t be any penalties from KDP, and that I’m doing it all in the right order. And yet, I’m still a bundle of nerves.
The Crimson Legacy series has been years of hard work, and every major change feels monumental. I remember feeling this same knot in my stomach when I changed the covers—equal parts excitement and dread. This series means the world to me for so many reasons. Stepping out of my shell and sharing something I wrote with the public was a huge leap. Now I’m about to make a change that I know will have a positive impact on how I can sell my books in the future—but that doesn’t make it any easier in the moment.
My heart feels like it’s skipping beats, my stomach is in knots, and the fear of something going wrong sits heavy in the back of my mind. I know I need to take this step, but the uncertainty of the outcome makes me hesitate.
Adding to the stress, I haven’t had much time to work on Book 3 lately. My own health issues have been a major challenge. Some days, the pain makes me want to do nothing but sleep, and sleeping through it feels easier than facing it. I’ve been off work for months now—something I never anticipated. I thought I’d seek treatment, heal quickly, and be back to my routine. Instead, I’m still waiting for answers. This Sunday, I’ll be heading into an MRI, hoping it will give us the “why” and help us find a path forward.
Of course, there’s also the lingering worry—will I even have a position to go back to? On top of that, other family matters have stirred up a whole mix of emotions.
And through it all, I keep thinking: I don’t think most people realize just how much work goes into being an indie author. It’s not just the writing—it’s editing, marketing, formatting, updating, and making big decisions like this one. It’s a constant numbers game, and yes, stepping back from blogging has probably hurt my reach. But sometimes, you just need to pause.
Today feels a lot like the day I first hit “publish.” A mixture of hope, fear, and the determination to keep going—because even in the uncertainty, this journey is worth it.
Until Next Time Lovelies,
Always, Ambrose Fider